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peasant: working on text

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Vince Weaver 2021-09-29 16:53:41 -04:00
parent 1ad76c384c
commit 7b8021116d
8 changed files with 876 additions and 61 deletions
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34
games/peasant/peasant2.s
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@ -2,6 +2,9 @@
; Peasantry Part 2 (second line of map)
; haystack, puddle, archery, river, knight (pass)
WHICH_PEASANTRY=1
; by Vince `deater` Weaver vince@deater.net
@ -208,49 +211,18 @@ fake_error2:
map_backgrounds_low:
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 0
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 1
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 2
; .byte <waterfall_lzsa ; 3 -- temp intentional bug
; .byte <waterfall_lzsa ; 4 -- waterfall
.byte <haystack_lzsa ; 5 -- haystack
.byte <puddle_lzsa ; 6 -- puddle
.byte <archery_lzsa ; 7 -- archery
.byte <river_lzsa ; 8 -- river
.byte <knight_lzsa ; 9 -- knight
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 10
; .byte <cottage_lzsa ; 11 -- cottage
; .byte <lake_w_lzsa ; 12 -- lake west
; .byte <lake_e_lzsa ; 13 -- lake east
; .byte <inn_lzsa ; 14 -- inn
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 15
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 16
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 17
; .byte <lady_cottage_lzsa ; 18 -- cottage lady
; .byte <crooked_tree_lzsa ; 19 -- crooked tree
map_backgrounds_hi:
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 0
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 1
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 2
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 3
; .byte >waterfall_lzsa ; 4 -- waterfall
.byte >haystack_lzsa ; 5 -- haystack
.byte >puddle_lzsa ; 6 -- puddle
.byte >archery_lzsa ; 7 -- archery
.byte >river_lzsa ; 8 -- river
.byte >knight_lzsa ; 9 -- knight
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 10
; .byte >cottage_lzsa ; 11 -- cottage
; .byte >lake_w_lzsa ; 12 -- lake west
; .byte >lake_e_lzsa ; 13 -- lake east
; .byte >inn_lzsa ; 14 -- inn
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 15
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 16
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 17
; .byte >lady_cottage_lzsa ; 18 -- cottage lady
; .byte >crooked_tree_lzsa ; 19 -- crooked tree
map_priority_low:
.byte <haystack_priority_lzsa ; 5 -- haystack

2
games/peasant/peasant3.s
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@ -2,6 +2,8 @@
; Peasantry Part 3 (third line of map)
; Jhonka, your cottage, w lake, e lake, inn
WHICH_PEASANTRY = 2
; by Vince `deater` Weaver vince@deater.net

32
games/peasant/peasant4.s
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@ -2,6 +2,8 @@
; Peasantry Part 4 (bottom line of map)
; ned cottage, wavy tree, kerrek 2, lady cottage, burninated tree
WHICH_PEASANTRY = 3
; by Vince `deater` Weaver vince@deater.net
@ -208,21 +210,6 @@ fake_error2:
map_backgrounds_low:
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 0
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 1
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 2
; .byte <waterfall_lzsa ; 3 -- temp intentional bug
; .byte <waterfall_lzsa ; 4 -- waterfall
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 5
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 6
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 7
; .byte <river_lzsa ; 8 -- river
; .byte <knight_lzsa ; 9 -- knight
; .byte <todo_lzsa ; 10
; .byte <cottage_lzsa ; 11 -- cottage
; .byte <lake_w_lzsa ; 12 -- lake west
; .byte <lake_e_lzsa ; 13 -- lake east
; .byte <inn_lzsa ; 14 -- inn
.byte <empty_hut_lzsa ; 15 -- empty hut
.byte <ned_lzsa ; 16 -- ned
.byte <bottom_prints_lzsa ; 17 -- bottom footprints
@ -230,21 +217,6 @@ map_backgrounds_low:
.byte <crooked_tree_lzsa ; 19 -- crooked tree
map_backgrounds_hi:
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 0
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 1
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 2
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 3
; .byte >waterfall_lzsa ; 4 -- waterfall
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 5
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 6
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 7
; .byte >river_lzsa ; 8 -- river
; .byte >knight_lzsa ; 9 -- knight
; .byte >todo_lzsa ; 10
; .byte >cottage_lzsa ; 11 -- cottage
; .byte >lake_w_lzsa ; 12 -- lake west
; .byte >lake_e_lzsa ; 13 -- lake east
; .byte >inn_lzsa ; 14 -- inn
.byte >empty_hut_lzsa ; 15 -- empty hut
.byte >ned_lzsa ; 16 -- ned
.byte >bottom_prints_lzsa ; 17 -- bottom footprints

88
games/peasant/text/common.txt Normal file
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@ -0,0 +1,88 @@
############
# Anywhere
############
# + get/wear belt (after getting it)
You're already wearing it. Too bad you smell like the trash barge off Peasant Isle.
# + wear mask
Not on this screen. You've got your image to think about. Actually, you might want to start deliberating on that right now.
# + wear robe
You slip into the vintage robe. It smells like grampa's lap. Now you're lookin like a serious peasant.
# + wear robe (not in inventory)
You don't have anything but your 'Scalding Lake' t-shirt. And pants. Forgot to mention the pants.
# + wear robe (already wearing)
You're already in the old skool robe. Represent.
# + look (when in hay disguise)
Right now, you see a bunch of hay.
# + look trees
You are an incredibly boring person.
# + ask about (unknown)
"Ask about what?"
# + boo
Scared me.
# + cheat
Meh.
# + dan (or any phrase involving Dan; anywhere)
Dan's still okay. Got a place on Dekalb with Rick and his wife. Slimmed up a bit and looking towards the future.
# + dance (anywhere)
You'd rather just stand here and soak up the scene.
# + die (anywhere) (Warning: This kills you.)
That wasn't very smart. You dead.
# + drink
For simplicity's sake you are immune to hunger and thirst in this game. So you got that going for you./Which is nice.
# + quit (Warning: The game actually does quit.)
Well fine Boring Sanders! Hope you saved your game cause it is OVER between us!
# + map (before you find it)
We are neither confirming nor denying the presence of a map in this game, but irridisregardless, you don't have one.
# + party
You are part of the Whig party. They are making gangrene-awareness their number one campaign priority.
# + what the f- / this sucks
Come now. Don't get discouraged.
# + where
You're hanging out in {location}.
# + why
I wish I knew.
# + haldo
That's totally not Dongolev.
# + smell/sniff
Smells like a computer game.
# + pwd
~peasantsquest/{location}
# + go _____
Use the arrow keys, pal. Just like a joypad only more like your day job.
# + ditch/drop baby (if you have it)
Quit tryin to ditch the baby!
# + ditch/drop/deploy/use baby (before you have it or after left)
You don't even have two babies to rub together.
# + climb cliff (screens where cliff is there)
There aren't enough footholds and you don't have any carabeaners on you.
# + climb tree
But then your hands would get all sappy.
# + climb tree (after getting room at inn)
Naw. That's dumb. Do better.
# + get/take/steal
You probably WISH you could get that.
# + get pebbles/rocks (after you've gotten them)
Come now. We've been through this jaunty little bit before. You took them from the half lake screen with the cattail and stuff.
# + give
You don't need to give that now.
# + throw baby (anywhere without the baby)
You don't even have two babies to rub together.
# + throw baby (anywhere but the west side of the lake)
Hmmm. Maybe try someplace else.
# + talk
It's sad when you have to make up people to talk to.
# + look (at anything irrelevant)
You don't need to look at that.
# + look (at anything, while hiding inside the bale of hay)
Right now, you see a bunch of hay.
# + look (at something previously in your inventory but now gone)
You used to have one, before the great item blight of 402. Check your INVENTORY to read about it.
# + look (at something currently in your inventory)
You've totally got one of those! Check your INVENTORY to give'r a serious looksee.
# + load
# + save
# + show priority
# + version
# + copy

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games/peasant/text/peasant1.txt Normal file
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###################
# Poor Gary's Glen
###################
# + look
Hey! There's a rotten ol' horse over there!
# + look fence (before scaring him)
A particularly rickety peasant-issue fence. Trogdor uses bits of these as toothpicks.
# + look fence (after scaring him)
It's got a big ol' hole in it. For walking through.
# + look flies (before scaring him)
A cloud of buttflies fly around the horse's butt.
# + look horse (before scaring him)
This bag o' bones looks like he's headed for the glue factory. He's got the name 'Poor Gary' branded onto his hide.
# + look stump
You run out of ideas as to what to do next, and stare at the stump.
# + wear mask
You slip on the hideous monster maskus.
You scared the crap outta Poor Gary! He broke on through to the other side!
# + wear mask (after scaring him)
Gary's gone now. Let go. Just let go./Let go!
# + break stump / sit on stump
Are you THAT bored? Do some questing already!
# + feed horse (before he's gone)
There's a good chance that horse has NEVER eaten. I doubt he'll start now.
# + ride horse/poor gary (before he's gone)
Naw, snapping horse spines just doesn't seem as cool as it did in high school.
# + pet horse/poor gary (before he's gone)
Aww, that's sweet. Poor Gary tries in vain to bite your arm off.
# + scare horse (before getting the mask)
You tell Gary the THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!! one but he doesn't act very scared. He's probably heard it before. or: You tell Gary about how much cholesterol is in hay and how his arteries are probably all black and clogged. He shrugs it off. or: You tell Gary the story about the kid who pops this big zit he has and all these baby spiders come out. It doesn't phase him.
# + kick/kill/punch poor gary (before scaring) (Warning: Needless to say, this kills you.)
You attempt to cause Poor Gary harm for no good reason other than you kinda suck at this game. {Poor Gary kicks you} WOW! For a decrepit old horse, Poor Gary still packs a mean whallop. You dead. Thanks for playing.
# + kick/kill/punch poor gary (after scaring)
Gary's gone now. Let go. Just let go./Let go!
# + kill flies (before scaring him)
Those flies and that horse's butt have a symbiotic relationship. You have no right to disrupt that.
# + climb/jump fence before scaring)
No, you have business to attend to here in Peasantry.
# + climb/jump fence after scaring)
More like you should walk through that gaping hole in it. Just an idea.
# + get flies (before scaring him)
You nasty. Besides, they wouldn't survive a minute away from that horse's butt.
# + talk gary (when he's there)
Your attempts at conversation are met with horse grunts and tail flaps. Which is better than you do at conversation with most people.
###############################################
# Kerrek Tracks 1/2 (top or bottom footprints?)
###############################################
# (Walk too close to the Kerrek) — {The Kerrek pounds your head into the ground}
Your mom always told you not to take head poundings from strange Kerreks. And NOW looks what's happened. You dead. Thanks for playing.
# + shoot Kerrek with bow
Here goes nothin', Kid Icarus
ARROWED!! Nice shot. You smote the Kerrek! He lay there stinking.
A light rain heralds the washing free of the Kerrek's grip on the land. You're feeling pretty good, though, so the artless symbolism doesn't bug you.
# + get belt
You strap the Kerrek's belt buckle around your waist. Oh boy. You sure stink now.
# + look
There are large hoof prints in the grass here.
# + look (no Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the the grass here. And it smells like a public latrine.
# + look (living Kerrek)
# + look footprints/tracks (living Kerrek)
It's the Kerrek, you moron! Get outta here!
# + look footprints/tracks (Kerrek not present)
If you weren't a simpleton you might think these were Kerrek prints. But since you are a simpleton, you just go, 'Yay! Piggies!'
# + look (dead Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the grass here. There is a large Kerrek-shaped mound on the grass.
# + look (rotting Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the grass here. Part of the ground looks just like a rotting kerrek.
# + look (skeletal Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the grass here. Looks like someone left their spare bones here.
# + buy kerrek a cold one (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive)
# (Warning: This speeds the Kerrek up, so be careful.)
The kerrek is a teetotaller and is offended by your offer. You've really cheesed him off now.
# + make friends with kerrek
Look, it didn't work for Strongbad and it's not gonna work for you either.
# + load / save (while he's still alive)
You can't be fumbling with a floppy while the Kerrek is bearing down on you.
# + kill kerrek (he is there, no bow or arrow)
With what?! You got no weapons except your butter-knife wit.
# + kill kerrek (he is there, you have arrow but not bow)
With what?! You gonna throw that arrow at him?
# + kill kerrek (he is there, you have bow, not arrow
With what?! You got no arrow, fool!
# + kill kerrek (he is dead)
Yeah. You smote the Kerrek. You deserve a trophy full of Mutton-ums.
# + kill kerrek (he is not there)
Good idea. But you kinda need the actual Kerrek to be here for that to work.
# + get arrow (after killing)
Eww! No way. That thing's got some serious Kerrek-Brand kooties on it now.
# + get kerrek
Well, he does smell real bad. But he's a bit too big to fit in your pocket.
# + look belt (still alive)
Yecch. I wouldn't touch that unless it was, like, an important quest item or something.
# + look kerrek (immediately after killing him)
He dead. And the only thing of value on him is his stinky belt buckle.
# + look kerrek (immediately after taking the belt)
He dead.
# + look kerrek (while he's decomposing)
He dead. You didn't think he could have smelled any worse? Well, guess what: He smells worse.
# + look kerrek (when he's all bones)
He dead. He wasn't fat, he was just big boned! Poor pig-man.
# + talk kerrek (while he is alive)
'Me llamo Julio,' you begin... It seems only to further anger the already tempramental Kerrek. That stupid 'Learn Kerrek in 3 Weeks' cassette did nothing for you!
#########################
# Old Well / Wishing Well
#########################
# (Leave the screen after putting the baby in the bucket)
Nice try. Ditch the baby at the bottom of the well, eh? Thought you'd be able to just walk away and it's nothing by mead and wenches from now on, huh? Well guess what? You dead. Thanks for playing.
# + look
There's a really generic well here. Oh, and apparently it's autumn on this screen.
# + look well
Pretty average. You're not a big well person. You're more into bridges. It does have a cute little bucket though. Your dad liked buckets. Oh, and there's a metal crank too. Meemaw loved cranks.
# + look crank (before putting pebbles in the bucket)
It looks rusted in place.
# + look crank (after putting pebbles in the bucket)
That is a bonafide crank. It seems to work now.
# + look in well
It's dark and welly in there. Smell like stank too.
# + look tree
That's one orange tree alright.
# + put pebbles in bucket
You plunk all your pebbles into the bucket. The weight causes it to descend to the bottom of the well with a quickness!
# + turn crank (before pebbles, far away)
You can't reach from there.
# + turn crank (before pebbles, close)
It won't budge. Maybe if there was something heavy in that bucket...
# + turn crank (pebbles)
The crank seems to have loosened and you haul the bucket back up. What's this? Why there's a monster maskus in there! No doubt leftover from some pagan ritual. Silly pagans.
You grab up the scary moster maskus. Man, this thing could scare a horse!
# + turn crank (after mask, far away)
You got a short reach to match your short pants. Try standing closer to that crank.
# + turn crank (after mask, close, first time)
Down she goes! You could do this all day!
# + turn crank (after mask, close, second time)
The drama grips you, but the bucket is empty. On the bright side, you're getting a pretty sweet workout for your Deltoidus Rex muscles.
# + turn crank (baby)
You haul the bucket back up. Lucky for you, the baby is still in it and appears to be unscathed. As a bonus, it looks like he found a Meatball sub down there. Score! You take the sub.
Oh, and the baby. You take the baby.
# + put baby in bucket
Okay, Father of the Year. You put a baby in a bucket and it quickly descends deep into the well. Yours is a black, black heart.
# + use pebbles
What do you propose to do with them? Discuss.
# + make wish
This isn't that kind of well. This is a plaguewater well.
# + deploy/drop/use baby
Like where?
# + climb in bucket
Your butt is too big.
# + climb in well
No go. Your insurance doesn't cover that.
# + get/take/steal bucket
You can't, it's tied to a rope and you're terrible with knots.
# + throw baby
Throw it where?
# + put baby
Where you wanna toss em?
# + put baby in bucket/well (before baby/after baby)
Hmmmm... A baby, eh? You check your sundial. Babies-R-Us is probably closed by now.
# + put baby in bucket (too far)
You're not that keen a shot. Try standing a little closer.
# + put baby in bucket (after sub)
Li'l tyke seems to enjoy the ride, but — thin or not — we've got a plot to advance here.
# + put (anything else) in bucket
That's not heavy enough to weigh down the bucket.
# + put baby in well
Jeez man! At least put the poor little guy in the bucket! Give him a fighting chance!
# + put pebbles
Where you wanna toss em?
# + put pebbles/rocks in bucket (don't have them)
Find some pebbles first and you might have the makings of a good idea. About time.
# + put pebbles/rocks in bucket (after mask)
We've already been through this exercise and it went pretty well, ya?
# + put pebbles/rocks in well (you have them)
Then it'd be tough to get them back. You never go ANYWHERE without your rocks
# + put pebbles/rocks in well (don't have them/already mask)
Riiight, right. Which ones?
# + talk well
You yell into the well and enjoy the echo. Keep in mind there are no stereos yet.
##############
# Yellow Tree
##############
# + look
Rushing river b/w yellow tree.
# + look tree
You're really hurtin' for puzzle solutions, huh?
# + look cottage
You see a cottage in the distance. You hold your fingers up to one eye and pretend to squash it.
###########
# Waterfall
############
# + look
There's a beautiful, magical waterfall cascading down the cliff side.
# + look tree
You see some trees in the distance. You hold your fingers up to one eye and pretend to squash it.
# + look waterfall
Upon closer inspection, you discover it's not magical. That's just mist, not magic sparkles or anything.
# + swim
That waterfall would probably churn you into one of those weight-gain protein smoothies.

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################
# That Hay Bale
################
# After jumping in the haystack, go to any screen except Jhonka
Drat. The winds are heavy on all but a couple of key screens... looks like you're no longer in stealth mode.
# + look
Well, there's that big bale of hay over there.
# + look hay
It reminds you of a warm, safe place where as a child you'd hide.
# + look in hay
You search and search through the haystack. Nope. No needles.
# + look tree
It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown!
# + look fence
A standard peasant fence. Trogdor makes milk's meat outta these things.
# + enter hay / jump in hay / hide in hay (not muddy)
Not right now, man. You're feeling fairly clean given you just bathed 3 fortnights ago.
# + enter hay / jump in hay (muddy but not nearby)
Who do you think you are, MJ? Try from a little closer.
# + enter hay / jump into hay
You've not known much better than a roll in the hay alone.
You leap in the hay like a two years old boy. Uh oh. The hay sticks to your muddy body. You're a walking hay bale! Just like that one guy from that one show!
# + hug tree
To every thing, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
# + get hay
Who do you think you are? Some kind of Thy Dungeonman? You don't need any hay.
##############
# Mud Puddle
##############
# + (walk into puddle when raining)
Now you've done it! You're covered in sticky, albeit fine smelling, mud. Your "Scalding Lake" T-shirt is all soiled, too. You just washed it last harvest!
# + look (dry)
There's a dried out mud puddle. It's all caked and cracked like the kind rock stars are always standing on.
# + look (wet)
Not much to see. 'Sides that big mud puddle.
# + get / look rock
That rock's not doin' a whole lot for me.
# + get mud (when it's wet, before you fall in)
You can't get the mud so much. More like the mud'll get you.
# + get mud (when it's wet, after you fall in)
You've already gotten an heapin' helpin' all up on yo'self.
###############
# Archery Range
###############
# + look
You've come across some kind of shooting gallery. There's a depressed looking archer at the desk there.
# + look archer (before speaking to Mendelev)
He looks depressed. He keeps sighing all obviously like he wants you to ask about it.
# + look archer (before saying haldo to Dongolev)
He looks depressed. Jeez, who invited the fun sponge?
# + look archer(s)/(anything not covered elsewhere) (after saying haldo to Dongolev)
You've come across some kind of shooting gallery. A pair of twin brothers seem to be running the place.
# + look target
Hey, they had those same targets at Peasant Scout Camp!
# + look desk
It says 'archery' on it. My wife's drunk.
# + talk man
"Oh, hi. I'm Mendelev," says the archer. "I used to run a shooting range here with my brother Dongolev. But we don't talk so much anymore. I haven't seen him in a Jhonka's age. If you ever run into him, tell him I said 'haldo'.
"You mean 'hello,'" you ask?
"Oh, um. No. Shut up. I said 'haldo' and I meant 'haldo.' Tell him I said 'haldo.'"
# + give super trinket
"That'll work," says Mendelev. Just hit 3 bullseyes and you win the SuperTime FunBow TM!"
"The ARROW KEYS aim left and right and the SPACE BAR operates the bow. You'll need to press it a couple of times to get a nice shot off but we don't give lessons so you're on your own."
# (get [X]=3-5 bullseyes)
"Nice shootin! [X] hits." Says Mendelev. "Here's your prize!" You got the SuperTime FunBow TM! We don't sell ammo, so you'll have to find your own arrows for it.
# + ask about fire (all ask abouts m&d must both be there)
"Trogdor just burned down some idiot peasant's cottage. You should ask him," says Mendelev. / "Yeah, this jerk goes on vacation to some prancey lake and..." / They see you staring daggers at them and turn bright red. / "Oh. Nevermind," says Dongolev. "Um, yeah. What's a fire?" adds Mendelwhatever.
# + ask about naked ned
"That guy creeps us out. In fact, shut up about him."
# + ask about robe
"We wouldn't know. We only wear archer clothes. You just can't arch real well in a robe, y'know?"
# + ask about smell
"That giant pig running around sure smells bad. Maybe talk to him."
# + ask about trogdor
"Oh man, there was this one time when I came THIS close to having Trogdor ARROWED!" says Dongolev. / "Hey, shut up! That was me!" interrupts Mendelev, "YOU almost arrowed that blue baby!" says Dongolev. / "Did not!" / "Did so!" / "Did not!" / (You see where this is going.)
# + ask about (unknown)
"Either we don't know anything about that, or you're real boring."
# + haldo (after Dongolev has returned)
"HALDO!!"
# + play game (before saying haldo to Dongolev)
The gallery's not open and you got no bow or arrows, Cupid.
# + get/take/steal target
No. Those will fall on you and more than likely kill you.
# + get/take/steal arrow
They have 'RANGE' printed on them, so it would be kind of embarrassing to have to shoot around with them. Also, that guy over there is giving you the evil eye.
# + talk (while away from or behind the desk)
"Why don't you saddle up to the front of the table there, cowboy?"
# + talk (after beating the minigame)
"Go away!" says Dongolev. "We're arguing about who's hotter," adds Mendelev.
##################
# River and Stone
##################
# + look
Not much to see. River's got a rock in it.
# + look water
Got a rock in it.
# + look rock
The ages have worn this rock down. It is a rock of ages. Still a-rollin.
# + swim
Peasants can't swim. Like, it's illegal.
# + get/take/steal rock
For what? Now you're just making up puzzles to solve.
#########################
# Mountain Pass / Knight
#########################
# + look
You've reached the mountain pass that leads to Trogdor's lair. A royal knight blocks the entrance.
# + look knight/man/dude/guy
He looks way cooler than you.
# + look sign
What that sign there? That sign says 'Trogdor.'
# + look trogdor
I know it's labeled 'Trogdor,' but it's really just a sign, silly. I mean, attack it if you want...
# + talk knight (beginning)
You explain your situation to the knight. That Trogdor burninated your cottage and you've sworn revenge. You ask for passage up the mountain to settle your score. (Press RETURN to advance through conversations)
"Hang on there, Trogdorkilla," says the knight. "I can only allow actual peasants up the mountain pass to face Trogdor. And you CLEARLY are not one."
"Look, Dragonheart..."
"You don't STINK like a peasant."
"You don't DRESS like a peasant."
"And you're definitely not ON FIRE like a peasant."
"Once you're those 3 things, come back and maybe we can talk."
"Be sure to LOOK around lots. Talk to everyone you see and ASK ABOUT stuff. Type HELP if you get confused and INVENTORY to see your worldly stuff. Type SAVE or LOAD to save or load your game. Duh."
# + talk knight (with kerrek's belt)
"Frankly, Matthew Broderick, you sure stink like a peasant. But you still don't DRESS like a peasant and you're not ON FIRE like a peasant."
# + talk knight (with ned's robe, on fire or not)
"My dear Adso, you are dressed well but you don't STINK and you're not ON FIRE. Let us instead exercise our brains and try to solve this tantalizing conundrum."
# + talk knight (after acquiring Kerrek's belt and Naked Ned's robe)
"Almost there, Dirk the Daring. You stink like a peasant and you dress like one too. But you're clearly still not ON FIRE."
# + talk knight (after have all three)
Lookin good, Mr. Peasant. Good luck with ol' Beefy Arm up there.
This is it! You can finally get revenge on Trogdor! Nice work so far, stupid!
Please insert floppy disk 2 into Drive B and press enter.
Disk read error. Please insert floppy disk 2 into Drive B and press enter.
# + attack sign / break sign
I was being facetious, Mr. Smarty-short-pants. No sign attacking for you.
# + ask about fire
"Well, whenever I see peasants, they tend to be on fire. So get yourself on fire. I hear horse grease gives a nice, controlled burn."
# + ask about Jhonka
"Since the Kerrek showed up, we don't see the Jhonka so much anymore. He lives in that little cave over in west Peasantry."
# + ask about Kerrek
"I call him Big Stinky. He's slow and stupid, but he'll pound you into milks meat without a second thought."
# + ask about naked ned
"That weirdo used to live over in west Peasantry but now I guess he just prances around the forest in his birthday suit."
# + ask about robe
"Peasants wear those brown robes. You know, with the rope around the waist. Get yourself one of those."
# + ask about smell
"I never met a peasant that didn't stink. If you wanna smell bad, get the Kerrek involved. That thing reeks!"
# + ask about trogdor
"If I had a gold coin for every whining peasant's cottage that freaking dragon burninated, I'd be rich as a jhonka."
# + ask about (unknown)
"I don't know anything about that, short pants."

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##############
# Jhonka cave
##############
# + Type any command other than "yes" or "no" after the Jhonka asks if you stole the riches
Just answer him, yes or no, you fool!
# + look
There's a little cave with a little door with a little note on it.
# + look (kerrek dead, before riches)
There's a disgusting little Jhonka hopping around outside a little cave.A fat pile of riches lies next to him.
# + look (after kerrek dead, after take riches)
There's a disgusting little Jhonka hopping around outside a little cave.
# + look club/turkey leg (when he's outside)
Turkey leg or no, it looks like the Jhonka's been gnawing on it.
# + look cave
Just a little cave. Calm down.
# + look fence
A standard peasant fence. Trogdor makes milk's meat outta these things.
# + look jhonka (when he's outside)
The Jhonka is gray and grody. He's got a cromagnon forehead and jaw with a pair of wicked incisors. He sports an old loin-cheese cloth and carries either a big club or one of those roasted turkey legs you got at the Ren Fest.
# + read note (before killing Kerrek)
+ It says "scared of kerrek. go way. -j"
# + (walk in haystack)
Hey, nice disguise! The Jhonka doesn't seem to notice you.
# + steal riches
Oh OH! A stiff breeze blew all the hay and, surprisingly, the mud off of you! "You take my riches?!" growls the Jhonka.
# + no
"Okay. Lemme know if you see riches anywhere," he grunts and goes back to his hopping. You smooth talker, you.
# + ask about fire
"Burninator make fire! Barbecue all peasants!"
# + ask about Jhonka
"The Kerrek is dead!" he cries and hops around some more. You wonder how someone this primitive could have made that much dough.
# + ask about naked ned (or) robe
"Filthy naked peasant! Stay away from my cave-hole!" Who's he calling naked? HE'S the one wearing the string bikini.
# + ask about smell
"Kerrek smell! Now Kerrek dead!" screeches the Jhonka. So you can infer from this that all smells are dead? You always sucked at the analytical questions.
# + ask about trogdor
"All hail Burninator! Trogdor Number One! Beat Peasant Tech!" says the grimy Jhonka.
# + ask about (unknown)
"Jhonka don't know nothing bout that!"
# + yes (to the Jhonka when he asks you about his riches)
'I KILL YOU!!' screams the Jhonka.
# {The Jhonka clubs you to death} (Warning: Obviously, you will die.)
Club or turkey leg, the jhonka sure just beat you senseless with whatever he was holding. You dead. Thanks for playing!
# + open door
It's locked. With one o' them SCHLAGE deadbolts, too. Those things are hard core.
# + knock (while he's inside)
A gravelly voice inside yells,
'JUST US CHICKENS'
# or
'NO FOR RENT'
# or
'I GIVE LAST YEAR!'
# or
'GAVE AT OFFICE'
# or:
'GO WAY!'
# + kill jhonka (outside)
No way! Jhonka's are born scrappers. He may be little, but he'll crawl ya.
# + get club (when he's out)
Now there's a surefire way to get yourself killed.
# + get note
It's been magically sealed to the door with a wondrously whimsical spell.
# + give riches (before jumping in hay)
The Jhonka will see you! And rip out your jugular with his teeth or something equally horrible.
# + talk jhonka (while inside the hay)
Not now! You'll blow your cover!
##########################
# Your Burninated Cottage
##########################
# + look
The remains of your thatched-roof cottage lie before you. You swear revenge against Trogdor.
# + look cottage
All your baubles and trinkets, your flasks and scrolls, your goblets and staffs! BURNINATED!! (And then, if you haven't taken the map yet:) Looks like there's a piece of unburninated paper on the ground.
# + look ground
Hey, it's your old fireproof map to Peasantry.
# + look paper
Hey, it's your old fireproof map to Peasantry.
# + get map (in right spot?)
You tuck it nice-like into your short, short pants. Type MAP at nearly any time to check the map.
# + get map (if you already have it)
Yeah but like you already map the took, guy!
###################
# Pebble Lake West
###################
# + look
There's definitely half a lake here with a sandy shore.
# + look lake/water
It extends onto the next screen and has a sandy shore.
# + look sand (after pebbles)
Remember those pebbles on the beach? Man, those were good times.
# + look bush
Don't worry about that bush. Yeah, there's red berries on it but never you mind.
# + look berries
Shut up.
# + get pebbles
You grab up a handful of fairly substantial pebbles. You make sure to get an even mix of sedentary, igneous, and, um, sureptitious rocks.
# + throw baby
Something tells you this is a good idea and you lob the little one into the lake.
You won't be arrested after all! The little guy has resurfaced safely, carrying an old bottle of soda. You take the soda and stow your swaddling buddy for takeoff.
# + swim
Not in this game, Swimmer Dan! In this game, you drown.
# + skip stones
You've always been terrible at skipping stones. And you're even worse at just plain throwing rocks in lakes. You decide to save yourself the embarrassment.
# + get berries
NO MAN! JEEZ!
# + get pebbles/rocks (from too far)
You do your best Mr. Fantastic impression, but you can't reach from here.
# + throw baby (before getting the baby)
I think you misread the walkthrough on GameFAQs. You gotta get the baby first.
# + throw baby (after getting the soda)
Baby Dashing is a little waterlogged from the toss, and you read his soft gurgling to mean that there's no more soda left.
# + throw baby/feed (at south side)
Maybe try again from the center of the lake. Looks deeper there.
###################
# Pebble Lake East
###################
# + look / look lake
Why it's half a lake.
# + look (when the old man is fishing)
Why it's half a lake.With a fisherman in it. And he's fishing!
# + look man/guy/peasant/old guy/old man (while he is fishing)
An older peasant sits silently in a boat with his line in the water.
# + look sand
One million three hundred thousand seventy-four hundred and sixty two... One million three hundred thousand seventy-four hundred and sixty three... Drat! You lost count again.
# + look boat/dinghy (while he is fishing)
Keep your eyes off my dinghy!
# + look boat/dinghy (after he is gone)
It was loaned out to the Fishing Challenge videogame.
# + talk man (before throwing chicken feed in lake)
You holler at the old man about Trogdor, but he just grumbles about the fish not biting. "Must be using the wrong bait..." he says, suggestively.
# + throw chicken feed
You toss the feed into the lake. You shed a tear for each one. "Goodbye, Monty" you sniff. "Bye Delga, Rasputin. Farewell, Combledon!" and so forth.
Woah! That crotchety old man just caught a pantload of fish! "Now I can get back to running the inn," he says and rows to shore and hauls his boat out and cleans, guts, and filets all the fish and a buncha other stuff we didn't animate.
# + throw feed (before getting the feed)
You have nothing with which to do that...with.
# + throw feed (after throwing the feed) (The repetition is probably just a goof.)
You already fed the fish. Let's get moving here, people! You already fed the fish. Let's get moving here, people!
# + throw baby/feed (at south side)
Maybe try again from the center of the lake. Looks deeper there.
# + throw (anything but the feed while he is fishing)
'That isn't gonna work for bait!' the old man screams, at a needlessly harsh volume.
# + throw (anything when fisherman gone)
You already fed the fish. Let's get moving, here, people!
####################
# Outside Giant Inn
####################
# + look
There's a giant Inn here. It takes up, like, the entire screen.
# + look door
Just a door. A door with a note on it.
# + look inn
Looks okay from out here. But do they have a free breakfast buffet?
# + look sign
If you can't read that sign, you need to quit playing this game.
# + look window
Check it out! There's an INN in there.
# + read note (before feed in lake)
It says, "Gone Fishin" just like that grog coozie your cousin got you.
# + open door (after old man)
You open the door and step inside the inn.
# + open door (before old man)
It's locked fast!
# + knock (closed)
No answer.
# + knock (open)
Just open it, man!
# + get note
What is it with you and notes?! No!!

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#####################################
# Outside Mysterious (Ned's) Cottage
#####################################
# + look
There's a run-of-the-mill non-burninated thatched-roof cottage here. Its stonework looks a little shoddy.
# + look cottage
A run-of-the-mill, non-burninated thatched-roof cottage here. Its stonework looks a little shoddy.
# + look hole (before deploying baby)
You peer into the tiny opening. The cottage appears to be empty.
# + look hole (after deploying baby)
There is no baby here, but there's an open door on the other side of the room. If you could only get to it somehow!
# + look rock (before removing it)
There appears to be a loose stone towards the back of the cottage.
# + look rock (after removing it)
Some jerk removed a loose stone from the back of the cottage.
# + look fence
A standard peasant fence. Trogdor makes milk's meat outta these things.
# + move rock
You slide the stone over to reveal a little hole. If only you could cut off your arms, legs, and head you might be able to squeeze through!
# + put baby into the hole
Deploying Q-Baby...
Way to go, baby! It got the cottage door opened and headed off to a new life. He becomes Valedictorian of his graduating class, goes to Scalding Lake State, gets a degree in Advanced Peasantry and lands a job at Thatch-Pro: building better cottages for a better tomorrow.
You grow apart and the letters from him become fewer and fewer. He develops a severe mead problem and blames you for never being there.
# + break/kick/punch door
Violence is not the answer.
# cut off arms, legs, and head
Very funny. You have trouble cutting out coupons in the weekly 'Peasant Penny-Pincher' circular. I'd like to see you try.
# + try (Warning: You die.)
Okay, fine. You try to cut off your hard-earned extremities. It doesn't work. You dead. Thanks for nothing.
# + open door
How? There's no knob.
# + open door (after baby opens)
It's already open. Since this is an adventure game we're gonna proffer you adventure yourself on in there.
# + pull/push door
It doesn't budge, man.
# + knock
You could knock until your knuckles bleed. Nobody's home.
# + knock until knuckles bleed
You knock for about 4 hours until your knuckles are raw and bloody. That was fun!
# + knock until knuckles bleed (again)
You done that already. A great time was had by all.
# + deploy/drop/use baby (before baby)
Swell idea, but is you ain't my baby? I.e. you ain't got one?
# + deploy/drop/use baby (before moving stone)
Use the baby where? You haven't anywhere inconsiderate to stuff 'm.
# + deploy/drop/use baby (after baby left)
Li'l P.B. has moved on, and the door seems to be open... I can't see why we'd go through this all over again.
# + close door (before baby opens)
Already done. That was easy!
# + close door (after baby opens)
You can't. That baby really wrenched it open good.
# + get rock (after moving it)
You've already moved the stone out of the way to reveal a less-than peasant-sized hole.
##################
# Wavy Tree (Ned)
##################
# + look
Nothing special here except for that weird wavy tree.
# + look ned (when Naked Ned is peeking out)
A fairly naked man is peering out from behind that tree.
# + look tree
It's weird and wavy.
# + climb tree
You don't climb wavy trees.
# + talk (with Naked Ned visible)
You startled him and he disappears!
# + talk Naked Ned (with Naked Ned visible)
'Never speak of this meeting!' says the nudie and he disapperars.
# + talk tree
Trees can't talk but a breeze picks up and you swear the leaves whisper the words 'Naked Ned.' Weird.
###############################################
# Kerrek Tracks 1/2 (top or bottom footprints?)
###############################################
# (Walk too close to the Kerrek) — {The Kerrek pounds your head into the ground}
Your mom always told you not to take head poundings from strange Kerreks. And NOW looks what's happened. You dead. Thanks for playing.
# + shoot Kerrek with bow
Here goes nothin', Kid Icarus
ARROWED!! Nice shot. You smote the Kerrek! He lay there stinking.
A light rain heralds the washing free of the Kerrek's grip on the land. You're feeling pretty good, though, so the artless symbolism doesn't bug you.
# + get belt
You strap the Kerrek's belt buckle around your waist. Oh boy. You sure stink now.
# + look
There are large hoof prints in the grass here.
# + look (no Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the the grass here. And it smells like a public latrine.
# + look (living Kerrek)
# + look footprints/tracks (living Kerrek)
It's the Kerrek, you moron! Get outta here!
# + look footprints/tracks (Kerrek not present)
If you weren't a simpleton you might think these were Kerrek prints. But since you are a simpleton, you just go, 'Yay! Piggies!'
# + look (dead Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the grass here. There is a large Kerrek-shaped mound on the grass.
# + look (rotting Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the grass here. Part of the ground looks just like a rotting kerrek.
# + look (skeletal Kerrek)
There are large hoof prints in the grass here. Looks like someone left their spare bones here.
# + buy kerrek a cold one (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive)
# (Warning: This speeds the Kerrek up, so be careful.)
The kerrek is a teetotaller and is offended by your offer. You've really cheesed him off now.
# + make friends with kerrek
Look, it didn't work for Strongbad and it's not gonna work for you either.
# + load / save (while he's still alive)
You can't be fumbling with a floppy while the Kerrek is bearing down on you.
# + kill kerrek (he is there, no bow or arrow)
With what?! You got no weapons except your butter-knife wit.
# + kill kerrek (he is there, you have arrow but not bow)
With what?! You gonna throw that arrow at him?
# + kill kerrek (he is there, you have bow, not arrow
With what?! You got no arrow, fool!
# + kill kerrek (he is dead)
Yeah. You smote the Kerrek. You deserve a trophy full of Mutton-ums.
# + kill kerrek (he is not there)
Good idea. But you kinda need the actual Kerrek to be here for that to work.
# + get arrow (after killing)
Eww! No way. That thing's got some serious Kerrek-Brand kooties on it now.
# + get kerrek
Well, he does smell real bad. But he's a bit too big to fit in your pocket.
# + look belt (still alive)
Yecch. I wouldn't touch that unless it was, like, an important quest item or something.
# + look kerrek (immediately after killing him)
He dead. And the only thing of value on him is his stinky belt buckle.
# + look kerrek (immediately after taking the belt)
He dead.
# + look kerrek (while he's decomposing)
He dead. You didn't think he could have smelled any worse? Well, guess what: He smells worse.
# + look kerrek (when he's all bones)
He dead. He wasn't fat, he was just big boned! Poor pig-man.
# + talk kerrek (while he is alive)
'Me llamo Julio,' you begin... It seems only to further anger the already tempramental Kerrek. That stupid 'Learn Kerrek in 3 Weeks' cassette did nothing for you!
############################
# Outside Baby Lady Cottage
############################
# + look
There's a ranch-style thatched roof cottage here. There are also what appear to be four crunch berry bushes but you can't be sure.
# + look cottage
You had a cottage once. A lot like this one. *sniff* Trogdor will pay!
# + look door
# (This response repeats whatever your command was back at you. When typing commands, you can put anything you want between the command and the object and it will still work, so here, if you type "look at door" or "look at the ugly brown door" or "lookasdfasdfdoor", it will put that in between the quotes.)
Listen to you, "look door" What kinda gaming is that? It's a door and it's closed.
# + look berries
Crunch berries maybe.
# + look bushes
You suspect they might be crunch berry bushes.
# + open door
You open er up and head on in.
# + get berries (first bush)
You reach into the bush to snag some berries but they all just squish in your hand.
# + get berries (second bush)
Man, nothing in this bush but squished berries either.
# + get berries (third bush)
Too bad you don't want any squished berries, cuz hey: jackpot!
# + get berries (fourth bush)
You reach into the bush to snag you some berries but instead find a Super Trinket! These things are awesome! You have a sneaking suspicion that SOMEONE in this game will need this thing.
# + search bush (same twice)
You already searched that bush. It was okay. Nothing to write home about... oh, wait... you don't have a home. My b.
# + search bush (alredy found trinket)
You've searched your fill of berry bushes for this game. If you want to search more press 'reload' on the browser
# + knock
'It's open,' says a female voice from inside. Um, it's NOT open, but you get her drift.
# + knock (after she leaves)
No one answers. That crazy lady took off. How ever will you get past this closed door now?
# + get berries (the same bush twice)
You already searched that bush. It was okay. Nothing to write home about... oh, wait... you don't have a home. My b.
# + get berries (after you've gotten the trinket)
You've searched your fill of berry bushes for this game. If you want to search more press 'reload' on the browser
#############################
# Burninated Trees / Lantern
#############################
# + look
A signal lantern of some kind hangs from a burninated tree.
# + look (night)
A burning signal lantern hangs from a severely burninated tree.
# + look lantern (unlit)
It's unlit at the moment. That fancy pants royal knight probably lights it on nights when Troggie's on the prowl.
# + look lantern (lit)
It's lit! Musta been a Trogdor sighting tonight.
# + look stump
NOT a good place to sit.
# + look tree
Severely burninated. They could probably use some salve.
# + (walking under candle in burninated trees)
Whoa! The horse grease on your robe caught fire! You're a for-real peasant now.
# + (exiting on fire)
Man, screens sure get light fast around here.
# + light lantern (before lit)
With what? Your red-hot intellect?
# + light lantern (already lit)
Already lit, moron.
# + get fire (at night, before grease)
You're just not flammable enough.
# + get fire (at night, after grease)
You don't need to get IT. Just let IT get YOU.
# + get fire (at night, after getting on fire)
You're already on fire! What? You want to be MORE on fire?
# + get lantern
Better not. There's an engraved plaque on it that says, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty Of 'You Die'".
# + get plague
Wrong game, Mispeller Jones. Try the little button to the left of the 'W'.
# + get plaque
You have enough of that on your browning, rotten peasant teeth already.