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peasant: split off some more dialog

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Vince Weaver 2021-10-14 16:41:53 -04:00
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#############
# Cliff Base
#############
# + look
You're at the base of a very climbable cliff that leads to Trogdor's lair. This cliff is huge - the kind where rocks start falling down the minute you try to climb it.
# + climb
With a new determination you dig your fingers into the cliff face and begin to haul yourself up the mountain like you were in a sports drink commercial
The mountain starts rumbling and big loose boulders start tumblin down. You'd best avoid thems.
##############
# Cliff
##############
# (Hit by rock or pterodactyl when climbing the cliff) — {You fall to the ground and lie in a heap}
Oops! You climbed real bad. You knew that you were AVOIDING the rocks, right? Not collecting them. Anyways, nice try. You dead. Thanks for playing.
####################
# Cliffland Heights
####################
# + look
Wow! It sure gets creepy fast around here! What with all the lightning and scary cave entrances.
# + look bone/skull
You can't be sure but you think those are dead person bones.
# + look cave
The cave entrance beckons to you like a hot mutton sandwich might.
# + look lightning
Scary. Like Auntie Gerelda's crow's feet.
# + (successfully climbing the cliff without dying)
Nice jorb climbing the cliff. You have a real way with those arrow keys.
# + climb cliff (at top)
They don't show how the sports-drink people get down from the cliff. You've no idea how to start.
# + get/take/steal bone/skull
Eww. No. Grody. You're grody. No. Eww.
#######################################
# Trogdor's Outer Sanctum / Outer Cave
#######################################
# Type any command other than "take the quiz" or "give (requested item)"
# after being apporached by a Keeper
I think he wants something from your inventory. Or you could just tell him "take the quiz"
# + look
There are 3 openings with a little cliff in front of each. A beaded curtain hangs in a doorway on the far wall.
# + look curtain/beads
That thing's awesome. You always wanted one for your dorm room but your roommate was a total drag and said no.
# + look door
A wicked beaded curtain hangs in the doorway.
# + look openings
They're mysterious and out of reach. Like girls were to you in high school.
# + look skeleton
You can't be sure but you think those are dead person bones.
# + (approached by first keeper)
Foolish peasant! How dare you enter this fairly sacred chamber!
You explain that you're here to smote Trogdor and if he doesn't get outta your way, him too!
You cannot vanquish Trogdor! Only the Three Keepers of Trogdor hold the tools with which to destroy the Burninator. The Trog-Shield, the Trog-Helmet, and the Trog-Sword.
And the only way we'll give them up is if you answer the three Trog-Trivia questions correctly.
Unless you happen to have something to eat on ya. Then we could forego my question.
# + give sandwich
No way! I was just kidding but you've really got a meatball sub. This rules! Here, you can have the Trog-Shield.
# + (approached by second keeper)
Hold, peasant! You must answer the second dreaded Trog-Trivia question!
Or we could call it even if I had an ice cold drink right now.
# + give soda
Sweet deal, peasant. I underestimated you. Wear this Trog-Helmet with style.
# + (approached by third keeper)
Think you're pretty hot stuff, eh? Let's see you answer the deadly and pretty impossible THIRD TROG-TRIVIA QUESTION!
That is, unless you've got something for my lower back. Man, it's killin me!
# + give pills
Whoa! Where'd you find this stuff? I don't think this is even legal anymore. These babies'll definitely smote LUMBAGO the, um, LOWER BACKINATOR!!
The fabled Trog-Sword is yours. You now have the means to strike down Trogdor. Good luck, peasant.
# + climb cliff
Nope. It's too sheer.
####################################
# Trogdor's Posh Lair / Inner Cave
####################################
# Type any command other than "Talk" or "Talk Trogdor" after Trogdor wakes up
Trogdor is awake and a couple seconds from a Rather Dashing BBQ. Might as well say your peace with him. Trogdor's Posh Lair
# (Walk too close to Trogdor while he's asleep)
# {Trogdor burninates you without waking up}
Yow. Looks like you got a little too close. You dead. Maybe next time don't get too close.
# + look
You're in a giant cavern which houses a giant dragon. You didn't shrink or anything.
# + look trogdor (while he's asleep)
Holy crap! Trogdor's way bigger in person than he looks in most tapestries you've seen. All of the sudden, losing your cottage doesn't seem so bad anymore.
# + look trogdor (when he's awake)
Trogdor is looming menacingly over you with a tiny wee sword stuck in his belly. He looks like he's gonna kill you really soon.
# + (enter Trogdor's cave)
the beaded curtain slams shut behind you. There's no turning back now.
# + throw sword
This is it! You hurl the Trog-Sword with all your might at the sleeping Burninator.
Now you've done it! Trogdor's awake and the Trog-Sword doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot.
Your legs lock in fear, your eyes glaze over and you wish for some Depeasant adult undergarments. But you think you hear Trogdor whimpering!
Aw crap, that's you whimpering. At least your voice still works, I guess.
# + talk trogdor
You scream that your name is Rather Dashing and that Trogdor burninated your cottage and you're here for revenge!
"Sup, mortal," booms Trogdor. "I really appreciate you making the effort to come all the way up here and vanquish me and all. But, I'm kinda indestructible."
"Yeah, I can't be killed. I'm surprised nobody mentioned that to you. I'll admit though, you've gotten farther than anybody else ever has. I bet they'll make a statue or something in honor of you somewheres."
"I can honestly say it'll be a pleasure and an honor to burninate you, Rather Dashing."
Aw that sure was nice of him!
Congratulations! You've won! No one can kill Trogdor but you came closer than anybody ever! Way to go!
# + attack trogdor (when he's asleep)
Like how?
# + wake up trogdor
'Troggie...', you murmur. 'Troggie, wake up it's time for Burnination school.' He's not budging.
# + kill / slay trogdor (while Trogdor's asleep, in his lair)
Like how?
# + talk trogdor (while he's asleep)
You yell some choice expletives at Trogdor but he doesn't wake up. There's a cool echo, though.

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#################
# Hidden Glen
#################
# (Walk in the path of Dongolev's arrows)
Hopefully this guy will have some sense and not shoot you.
# {Dongolev shoots you in the head}
That guy has no sense. He shot you. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Nice one, William Tell. You dead. Thanks for playing.
# + haldo
the archer stops arching and turns to you. "My brother told you to tell me haldo? He must want to start the old business back up!"
# + haldo (before talking to Mendelev)
What'd you read that in PQ Stragedy Guide? Go talk to my brother first.
# + haldo (after Dongolev leaves)
"Haldo?". you call out... "Hadloooooo"
# + look (with Dongolev)
Well, looky here! A hidden glen! You LOVE hidden glens. This one has some kinda archer in it.
# + look (w/o Dongolev)
You're in a hidden glen. There's a tree with zillions of arrows in it.
# + look archer
He sure looks miffed at that tree. He's emptied 5 good quivers' worth into that poor thing.
# + look arrow
Somebody call a tree doctor. Them puppies are stuck in there like a, um, er ... stuck pig.
# + look bushes
There's some thick 'ol bushes up in this hidden glen.
# + look fence
Wow! There's a hole in it on THIS side too!
# + look tree
Dude, and then the elf, like, totally climbed up it. It was awesome!
# + climb tree
Naw, you'd probably figure out some way to kill yourself doing that.
# + climb/jump fence
Not going to dignify that with a response.
# + get arrow
You pick out a really good one and yank it from the tree. Hooray! Now you have an arrow!
# + get arrow (Dogolev there) (Warning: As you can see, this kills you.)
Something tells me now's not a good time. {you get the arrow anyway and Dongolev shoots you}
It wasn't a good time. Hey, my mom's making peasant-kabobs for dinner TOO! Right. Anyway. You dead. Thanks for playing, and try not to die.
# + get arrow (After you get the arrow OR get arrow from after Kerrek)
You're pretty much all set on the arrow front. They're kinda cool, though.
# + get arrow (after killing Kerrek)
You grab yet another arrow from the tree hoping to get some bonus points.
###########################
# Inside Baby Lady Cottage
###########################
# + look
What a depressing little cottage. It reeks of single parent. A lady rocks her baby in a chair. A mostly empty shelf sits against one wall.
# + look (after lady leaves)
What a depressing little cottage. It reeks of single parent. There is one of those self-rocking chairs. A mostly empty shelf sits against one wall.
# + look baby (lady there)
Peasant babies are pretty freaking adorable. This little guy's no exception.
# + look chair
One of those self-rocking kind. Not bad for a brown-collar peasant-type. Must be trickle-down in action.
# + look feed
Cool Ranch. Your old favorite.
# + look hay
Hay is for horses!
# + look lady/woman (while she's still there)
Typical pasty peasant woman, overbearing and judgemental. Obsessed with goods and land.
# + look lady/woman (after she's gone)
I can't believe you thought you had a chance with her!/Dork!
# + look pillow
Swedish foam. Your favorite.
# + look shelf
Nothing but a bag of chicken feed.
# + talk lady
"Hello, I'm-" you start but the lady cuts you off
"Okay, here's why I let you in here," she explains. "My husband got squished by Trogdor. And to make matters worse, the insurance riches I got were stolen by Jhonka. Go steal them back for us and I'll give you something great."
# + talk baby (before you get the baby)
You say some cute, stupid stuff and the baby just blows snot bubbles.
# + talk lady (after she's gone)
You'd call out her name and let it ring through the empty room, enveloping you in sorrow, but you don't actually know her name.
# + get/take/steal chicken feed
You used to eat this stuff like crazy when you were a kid and your parents weren't watching (which was all too often). You grab several large handfuls.
# + get feed (after taking)
You don't need anymore. It might give rise to old temptations.
# + get baby (while she still has it)
'You want to be a part of this family? GO GET US THOSE RICHES!!' she shrieks.
# + get chair (while she is there)
No. There's a big bag of something in it. Oh, that's the baby lady.
# + get chair (after she is gone)
No. Too big for pants.
# + give riches
"My riches!!" she screams and snatches up every last gold coin. "Thanks, sucker! Here you go!" she shoves the baby into your hands and bolts out the door.
You later learn that she does this all the time and is wanted throughout the countryside. Those riches probably WERE the Jhonka's and who knows whose baby that is. Well, it's yours now. Baby lady cottage
# + (leaving)
the baby lady calls after you, "Hey, you're on some quest right? Well, the little squirt here lost something of mine in the yard the other day. It's yours if you can find it."
# + (leaving after she's gone)
This place is dead anyway.
# + ask about baby
"This little guy's all I got left. If only someone would steal back all our riches from that filthy Jhonka."
# + ask about fire
"You need fire? A couple of trees over by the waterfall used to be on fire. But now there's like a signal lantern over there or something." / "So should I ask that signal lantern?" you ask. / "I dunno man! Whattaya want from me?"
# + ask about Jhonka
"That nasty thing killed my husband and took my riches!!" / "I thought Trogdor killed your husband," you interject. / "Oh right. Yeah. That's what I said. Trogband killed my husbdor."
# + ask about naked ned
"Don't talk about that pervert in front of the baby here."
# + ask about robe
"You can't have mine, pervert! I'm not a nudist peasant like that weirdo over in west Peasantry!"
# + ask about smell
"What smells is junior here's drawers! I gotta quit feeding him so much horse!" / "And don't start asking me for his diapers, sicko!"
# + ask about trogdor
"I hope you kill that stupid dragon. My 'Wives of Squished Peasants' support group would bake you a Poor Gary pie if you did."
# + ask about (unknown)
"I dunno what you're talking about."
# + sleep
That's probably how the first baby got here. Forget it.
# + get gold/money
Um, that's chicken feed.
# + get hay
There's a huge bale a couple of screens over from here. Why bother stealing?
# + get stuff/food
Which foodstuffs?
# + get pillow
You don't have anywhere to use it and it is rather bulky, so you leave it.
# + give (anything not listed)
We don't need that mess.
# + give trinket
'Did you find that thing in my yard?' she asks. 'I got that thing free in a box of Plaguezees. I need some FOR REAL riches!'
# + give trinket (after giving trinket to Mendelev)
'Why are you holding your hand out?' she asks. 'I told you I need riches, so I can't give em away.' You don't have a trinket to give, you realize.
# + give riches (after giving the riches)
We did that already, and it was sort of humiliating.
# + give riches (before getting the riches)
'That's right,' she whines. 'Find my riches, and give here.'
###################
# Inside Giant Inn
###################
# Type any command while the pot of horse grease is on your head
You need to get out of there before that smelly octogenarian gets back.
# + look
What a dump! Only one bed and no minibar? The Innkeeper stands behind the desk and there's a door that's closed.
# + look (night)
It's still dark out. The grimey old Innkeeper is gone and he left the pantry open.
# + look window
Check it out! There's a Peasantry out there!
# + talk man
"If you're interested in staying the night, just type 'get a room.'"
# + give baby
"Well lookit that little guy!" says the Innkeeper. "You want a treat, do ya? What do babies like?" He fishes around in his pockets.
"Um, how bout my medication!" You grab the bottle of pills before he can force them on the baby. "Hey, those were for him!"
# + get a room (without robe)
"I only serve peasants here, fancypants!" barks the old guy. "Where's your robe?"
# + get room (with robe)
"Okay, youngster," says the decrepit old person. "Just bed on down for the night and I'm sure I'll remember to collect the fee come morning."
Night falls like a bad power point presentation.
What an uncomfortable bed! You sleep for maybe 20 minutes before the extreme pain in your spine forces you to get up.
# + get a room (when on fire)
"Board of Peasant Health says I can't serve any folk that's on fire. Nothing personal. Well, I mean, I don't like you much anyway."
# + get/take/steal pot
You reach way up to the top shelf.
Oh great! Now you can't see a thing and your head is covered in highly flammable horse grease. You better get out of here before that disgusting old man comes back.
# + get bell (after getting a room)
You can't. It looks like it's been somehow olded to the desk.
# + get candle (at night)
It seems like you should be able to do that, doesn't it? Sorry. No dice.
# + get grease (at night, already have it)
You already have a nice greasy swab of it on the corner of your hood.
# + get old man rub (in the inn)
You disgust me.
# + get paper
Naw, it might be important to that wrinkly old loon.
# + get painting
Weird. It's actually painted right into the wall. Like, the frame and everything.
# + get pot (if you already have it)
You already have a nice greasy swab of it on the corner of your hood.
# + get rug
You're not touching that thing. Too many questionable stains on it.
# + (exiting inn with pot on head)
Phew! You discard the big black pot and wipe the horse grease from your eyes. The hood of your robe is still covered in highly flammable horse grease, though.
# + ask about fire
"I've always preferred being on fire at night. Looks prettier and keeps the butterflies away."
# + ask about naked ned
"He used to be such a nice, clothed young man. Wonder what he's done with all his old clothes?"
# + ask about robe
"I wear my robe hood-down so it's easier to trim my ear-hairs. If you need a robe, maybe try someone that's not using theirs."
# + ask about smell
"Well, if you don't stink, maybe find something that does and wear it. Like a dead carcass or summat."
# + ask about trogdor
"Are you talking about that young green boy that lives up the street? He's always tearing my roof off and eating my customers."
# + ask about (unknown)
"I don't know nothing about no whatever you just said."
# + ring bell
Instead of ringing or dinging, it just goes DUNG.
# + light candle (at night)
It seems like you should be able to do that, doesn't it? Sorry. No dice.
# + open door (before getting room)
'That's the pantry,' says the Innkeeper. 'Employees only.'
# + sleep/sleep on bed (man is there)
You probably want to talk to that stinky old guy over there about that.
# + get doing-sproings
That's the worst thing
anyone has ever tried to
type in this game. Ever.
# + get pillow
Not a chance. There's even more questionable stains on that pillow than there are on that rug.
# + give baby (before you get the baby)
You have no baby nor any immediate prospects.
# + give baby (when you already have the pills)
You already milked that fogey for all the pills he's worth.
# + look man
He's an older peasant with big cotton swabs stuffed up his nose. Oh wait. Those are nose hairs. Grody.
# + look painting
It's a painting of dogs playing 'Magic: The Nerdening.'
# + look paper
It says, 'Note to self: Wave arms wildly!'
# + look pillow
If you sleep in that bed, you're NOT putting your head on that nasty pillow.
# + look pot (after getting a room)
It's full of horse grease. I guess that sounds useful.
# + look rug
Maybe that used to be a magic carpet. But it's sure a cat pee-stained carpet now.
# + look bed
Is that just a fitted sheet over a slab of concrete?
# + look bell
Tis broked.
# + look candle (after getting a room)
That candle's not at all on fire.
# + look desk
There's a broken bell and a piece of parchment on there.
####################################
# Inside Mysterious (Ned's) Cottage
####################################
# + look
This place could use some serious sprucing of the 'up' variety. There's a dresser over there and a broom kind of silhouetted all mysterious like.
# + look broom
The broom is all black and artistic, implying perhaps that it is closer to the viewer's eye but unlit to avoid emphasis.
# + look drawer/dresser (closed)
This dresser needs a good wipe down with new Indenture(tm), the dust busting miracle spray.
There is an especially enticing top drawer that is currently closed.
# + look drawer/dresser (open)
This dresser needs a good wipe down with new Indenture(tm), the dust busting miracle spray.
There is a drawer open and there are some brown lumpy clothes in it.
# + look drawer/dresser (after robe)
This dresser needs a good wipe down with new Indenture(tm), the dust busting miracle spray.
There is a drawer open, but it's empty.
# + open drawer (it's closed, not taken)
There's a vintage peasant robe in there! Just like grampa used to wear.
# + open drawer (it's open)
Yeah, totally! Except it's already open you moron.
# + open drawer (after getting robe and closing)
You already closed it, which was nice, and so we gave you some points. Let sleeping drawers lie.
# + close drawer
Aww, how thoughtful and boring of you. Break into this peasant's home, steal his clothes, but remember to tidy up after yourself. You're a real saint. Mysterious cottage
# + close drawer (w/o taking robe)
Right, right. Wouldn't want to leave the robes out where any old guy trying to beat an adventure game could take them.
# + close drawer (already closed)
A riddle: What can be closed that is already closed? (hint: not this drawer)
# + get robe
Yeah! Get that robe!
# + get/take robe (after you've gotten it)
You still remember the time when you took them. Oh, the times have changed ... but the robes?
# + get/take robe (drawer closed)
You reach into the closed drawer and nearly break your hand slamming it. Just like a bird on a pane of glass minus the blamelessness.
# + get/take drawer/dresser
You get a hernia from lifting it. -2 Movement points, -10 Constitution. Don't do that again.
# + get/take broom
No, no. The broom is in the foreground and you can't take things from the foreground. You don't see me all typing 'get browser window', do you?